Happy New Year....Happy??

It's a new year but it feels like another day and I'm mad cuz people are very excited on BBM, but I don't share the same excitement. Instead, I'm in my room listening to Lady Antebellum and wanting to sleep, wake up in the morning and feel better. Plus, the bangas(fire crackers) won't stop and the sound is driving me nuts.

Why so blue?

I will be spending the new year's at my gram's house after 8 years. I'm quivering just writing about it. See the thing is, growing up, from the moment I can remember, grampa had always thrown a big party and people from all over come to celebrate at the house and we have a blast, stay awake new year's eve to watch the cow get killed(as brutal a that sounds) and the food get made till we no longer can stay awake. By 'we' I'm referring to the first 3 grandchildren from my maternal extended family; my brother, myself and my cuzin Busola. Now, Busola died April 24th, 2011 and I'm yet to see her siblings for the first time ever since. I don't know how I'll feel. It just can't be the same. I feel like everyone will miss her some more when they look at me seeing how we were born 50 days apart and raised practically like twins until my family moved to Toronto. Even after the move, we kept in touch, hung out every time I was in town and told each other everything. I feel like I might OD on memories tomorrow. I don't know how to function with that side of the family without her. First time ever, without her. I'm too close to the memory markers and it breaks my heart into pieces that I would just have to enjoy the day without my partner.

Secondly, it's getting closer to my move to Osun state to continue my NYSC and I'm nervous. The apartment I might have found might not be exactly what I wanted and I might have more people in my surroundings than anticipated. I'm bothered there might be some who don't like dogs and I hate restricting Jagger to a room or a small space. It breaks my heart also. I keep telling myself that Jagger and I are lovable entities, so, we'll be fine. I'm sure that would be the case. Mom packed many things I might need and we bought other items, which serves as a reminder that it's getting closer to moving. I'm part excited but nervous at the same time. I mean, it's one thing to move on my own but another thing to move on my own to Osun state. Dammit!!!

Anyways, I hope to go to sleep, wake up, get to my grams and find happiness and comfort in being with the fam rather than shedding tears at the demise of my cuzin and causing others to feel pain also . I want to remain strong for her siblings and everyone else.

R.I.P Omolola Oluwabusola Adetayo (April 27,1987 - April 24,2011). I will always remember.

So Help Me God.

On a brighter note, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thankful to see another year alongside my loved ones.

~kdamsel~