I'm taking a dive into another type of discussion in this particular post. I've been having these types of conversations quite often these days. I have my personal views on this matter so I thought it wld be nice to share the discussion.
When one is choosing a life partner, should it be calculated and logical or should one wait to feel the magic?
You have someone who you connect with on every level and the magic is there? You feel like there's no you without them and the feeling is mutual and you just know they are right for you but you know logistics aren't balanced for a proper relationship. On the other hand, you have another who you know will give you peace, a happy home and equal financial stability. As a matter of fact, you are convinced that this person possesses all the essential morals and values to raise a family but there is no magic, no love. You know, the kind that happens in fairy tales? The kind almost every woman wants to feel?
Does one suddenly fall in love or is love supposed to be cultured?
If you are going to love someone, should it have happened since you started acquainting yourself with that person? Or should it require a conscious effort and decision? Will it grow because this person has everything else you should want? Does cultured love last a lifetime? Or will it fade?
Should sex be the last piece of the puzzle? Or should it be a deciding factor?
Suppose you add sex to the equation? If you got intimate with that person you feel no magic with and you happen to feel that magic this way, does it add the last piece to the puzzle? Does it serve as confirmation that you could actually culture love for this 'perfect' person? In this context, if love is found from havin good sex with this person, is it real? Will it grow? Or should you wait to see if the love grows and if it does not, never delve into the sexual realm of the relationship because it should not be a deciding factor?
~kdamsel~
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ReplyDeleteWellllll. I like that you used the word "logistics". I think it's so important and too many people don't consider it when they decide to make a relationship permanent.
ReplyDeleteThinking of the past, when I felt a deep connection with someone- I HAD to be with him all the time and I wanted to be with him all the time, there was "magic" and there was a lot of it; however, here I am, no longer with this person and doing just fine.
In retrospect, this person was missing a whole leap of things that I think are essential for marriage and long term partnership, but the "butterflies" I used to get confused me into thinking this is the person I had to be with forever. That is to say, Magic is NOT enough.
If you get both, excellent. But I don't know if both is always possible in the **beginning**
I think the point of being in a relationship or a courtship is to see if you are compatible. Love at first sight isn't the only way.
And about the sex? That's a hard one. It's definitely important in a marriage, so I think if you are going to do it, make sure it's because you really want to, because you like this person for whatever reason and not because you have a preconceived notion in your mind about what it's supposed to be like.
Should it be your deciding factor? hmmm I don't know either.
I had to borrow your word "logistics" lol. Think about this also. Should you date someone you feel no magic with? Someone you merely like but would make a great life partner? To test compatibility and see if the love grows? Is that what some consider as "forcing it?"
DeleteNice blog...you write well.
ReplyDeleteIt boils down to what the individual is satisfied with/ willing to accept. Not everyone believes in love. Those that do will tell you that spending the rest of your life with someone with whom there is no "magic" amounts to 'settling'.
Those who put no stock in "magic" will see nothing wrong with a calculated, logistics driven choice. Btw, the presence of magic doesn't necessarily equal the absence of logic. Re:settling, forgive the analogy: you're hungry...do you go with excellently seasoned filet mignon (or whatever else does unspeakable things to your tastebuds) or one jumbo pack of indomie. Both will fill you up, but only one option will take you higher on Maslow's pyramid, if you're interested in going for more than "safety".
Love at first sight/meeting/hanging/discussion isn't the only kind of love...it can grown on you. Never because you make a conscious decision to "love" someone though. Only because it may take time for the things (aspects of personality for example) that trigger the kind of increased fondness and admiration that leads to love, to manifest themselves. Either way, if its real love it will last, provided it continues to be fed and nurtured.
Sex: Again depends on the individual. If you're ok with mediocre sex for the rest of your sex-having life, then it's not a deciding factor. Some people just don't put that much stock in these things.
Thanks for reading and especially for the compliment.
DeleteI must say that your comment actually made me realize I didnt consider many things in my thots on this subject. Especially the fact that one can have magic in a well calculated logical relationship and I'm pretty sure I had a reason for 'dichotomizing'. However, I forget lol.
When you said that "some people don't put that much stock into these things" in the context of sex being a deciding factor, I could not help but thing that some people would prolly not consider sex or regard it as an aspect that a couple must establish a connection in a 'forever' relationship. Can this work? Are there people like that who just don't like sex enuff? And even if they have mediocre sex 'forever' it's no biggie? Can that kinda relationship actually last?